Head Colds
by Love Psychedelico
Summary: [SLASH] Gavner has caught a head cold. An exceptionally annoying head cold. Kurda has the perfect cure for it. Or does he? Lime, sexual references, language. Read at your own risk.


**A.N. - **Right. This is for those of you who have been asking about the fic kama is making into a doujinshi. I hadn't uploaded it. . . because I personally thought it was crap. But, as kama seemed to like it so much and so did Inny, I've decided to upload it. Enjoy!

Last time I posted, I didn't own Darren Shan. It's not likely that I own it yet. (in other words, I DON'T OWN DARREN SHAN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS, damn.)

**Warning** - LIME. Implied SEX. Males getting it on. Whoo. If those four sentences scared you, do not read any more.

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**Head Colds**

For **Kama** – Happy Birthday oneichan! I'm sorry I'm not a great artist like you so I couldn't draw for you – which still doesn't make sense that I'm writing for you instead, because I also am a crap writer. I hope it doesn't kill you too much reading this. Bleh. -cries-

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'Bwe. . . bwe. . . . BWEK-CHOOOOI!'

Gavner sneezed, sniffled, and shivered in the blankets, cursing at the early afternoon chill. God, this is hell, he thought, rolling onto his back to stop his nose running. Him, of all people – a General, and a damn good one if he may say so himself, who had gone through every single hell imaginable regarding as to the sorts of war, torture, and even hours of sunlight – had caught a _head_ _cold_. An exceptionally annoying head cold. He was sniffling all over the place – and there was this tearing headache behind his ears – his eyes watered for no reason, and he could have sworn he'd broken the Guinness world record of repetitive sneezing. And here comes one again:

'BWAAA CHUUUUUUUUUUUU!'

'. . . . . . . Charming.'

Gavner heard a deep smooth voice from behind him, and soft giggling. He turned around to face the source of the voice – Kurda lay half a metre away from him, the ghost of a smile playing at his smooth lips, two ice-blue eyes smiling playfully. Gavner glared at him, mouth twitching.

'Shut up.'

'Bwekchoi – Never heard anyone sneeze like that before. Very amusing.'

'Shut up or else I'll. . . . . . He-he-HEEEK CHUUUUUUUU!'

'Oh – hell – _Gods_, Gavner!'

Kurda screwed his face up in disgust, as saliva, mucus and god knows what else flew all over his hair, face, and blanket. Gavner buried his face into his blankets, muffling his chuckles.

'Sorry.'

'Like hell you should be.'

Kurda huffed, wiping his face with a sleeve. Gavner coughed into his blankets, and sniffled. Kurda stopped his hand, and watched Gavner groan and sniffle again, sympathy creeping into his usually-emotionless eyes.

'You okay?'

'Neh. I'm fine. It's just a head cold. Go back to sleep.'

'Go to sleep? You must be kidding me. With someone buwekchoi-ing next to me, how could you expect me, or _anyone_ to sleep?'

'Larten and Arra are.'

Gavner gestured one lazy hand towards Larten and Arra who lay sleeping. Larten was snuggled in his favourite red blanket, sleeping on the carpet under the hanged cross, all neatly curled up, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Arra was sprawled over one of the chapel pews, her legs and arms flinging out of the black blanket she had covered herself up with. She moaned a little, and threw her wrist up to her forehead, mumbling something in her sleep. Kurda rolled his eyes.

'They're used to getting sleep with you _snoring_, though. I'm never usually on missions with you, unlike them. For me, sleeping next to an airport is better than sleeping next to a snoring monster.'

'. . . . . . . .'

Gavner blushed, then sniffled and sneezed again. Kurda sighed, and wiggled closer, softly tilting his head so that his forehead touched Gavner's. Gavner sniffled in a hiccough, feeling his cheeks blush as he felt Kurda's whispering breath on his mouth:

'You have a temperature. . . Headache?'

'Yeah.'

'. . . . . . . . .'

To Gavner's slight disappointment, Kurda took his forehead away, his eyes not leaving Gavner's. He looked thoughtful for a second – and then the expression changed. Gavner knew that expression. In fact, he knew it very well. Kurda's eyes were cool and calculating, the edges of his perfect pale lips curling into the slightest hint of a smirk. Gavner's breath caught in his throat, fearing and anticipating at the same time, what Kurda's next move would be. When Kurda opened his mouth, his voice had dropped a notch, deliberately husky at the edges.

'. . . . I know the perfect cure for pain.'

'Kurda, no.'

'It's. . . .'

'I don't want to know! I'm _not_ listening. Go back to sleep!'

'Fine then, don't _listen_.'

Kurda smirked – and Gavner frowned, not knowing what he meant – but hissed back a scream one second later, as he felt slim fingers stroking somewhere he'd rather not be stroked right at that moment. He grabbed the hand, sniffling and blushing and growling:

'. . . Kurda Smahlt, you behave yourself right now, or else. . .'

'Or else, what? You'll sneeze all over me again? . . . Come on, Gavner. . .'he leaned closer, gently nibbling the General's pouting lower lip, 'We haven't in five whole days. . . .'

'Kurda, _no_. We'll be back in the Mountain by tomorrow night, and then, we can. . .'

'Can't wait so long. . .'he breathed against Gavner's jaw, sending shivers up the burly man's spine. Gavner's voice cracked midway as he protested:

'Kurda. . . . dammit. . . ._NO_! Larten and Arra are nearby, and this is a Catholic Church we're sleeping in, . . .'

'_Chapel,_'Kurda corrected, pressing a kiss to his lover's lower neck, sliding a finger down Gavner's chest, undoing the buttons swiftly.

Gavner made another choked noise, his throat dry and sore. He pretended to be cool and composed – but inside him he knew where this was heading them – and clenched his trembling fists against Kurda's slender chest, pushing him away, knuckles white from the pressure.

'Chapel, yes. Immorality in a holy place like this – we'll be damned forever, incurred divine punishment – and. . .'

'But doesn't the idea of making love in front of an altar, under the holy cross – sinning and breaking the holy laws of Christ – excite you even a little?'

'Gods, Kurda! Didn't your parents tell you to behave in a church?'Gavner hissed: Kurda rolled his eyes.

'You know and I know perfectly well that our parents didn't live long enough to teach us anything. That's why we're both so screwed, Gavner. That's why I ended up with a sod like you.'

'_Kurda_!'

'There's no such thing as God. That's the only true thing I've learnt in my life.'

'Unlike you, I believe there _is_ a God. I have morals. I have a _conscience,_'Gavner growled, eying Kurda warningly.

Kurda laughed in mock irony, loose strands of platinum blonde hair falling onto his pale cheeks.

'Oh, really? A conscience?'

He smirked – and didn't leave Gavner time to protest as he captured the man's face between his hands and sealed their lips together. Gavner tried to push his lover away – but when the taste of Kurda's tongue penetrated his lips, he gave in. He closed his eyes, letting his mouth be thoroughly and expertly explored. Kurda broke the kiss with a small moan, turquoise eyes glinting mischievously, leaving Gavner gasping for breath.

'How's your so-said conscience? Is it shattered yet?'

Oh yes, quite shattered, Gavner thought, but didn't say it. Or rather, couldn't. When he had finished choking and sniffle-coughing and gathering himself back together as much as he could, he finally gasped:

'You are fucking _insane_!'

'What?'

'You _kissed_ me!'

'. . . Your point being?'

'You're gonna get my cold, _idiot_!'

'I don't care.'

'You most certainly _do_, because it's HELL! You'll be a sniffling mess like me, and you'll have a headache, and. . .'

'All the more reason to try out my painkiller. . . .'

Kurda leaned over again, his hand groping for the other man's belt. Gavner swallowed dryly, feeling light-headed from the cold as well as the infuriating sensation of Kurda's hips gently sliding across his, as he climbed on top. Kurda's lips were just touching the sensitive skin under his earlobe, warm and soft, a smile curving them.

'Please, Gavner. . . . I want you. . .'

'Gods – you, Kurda Smahlt, you are seriously going to be the death of me. . . !'

'. . . Is that a yes?'

'. . . . . . . .How quiet can you be. . . ?'

Gavner's voice cracked on the last word, but he didn't care. He grabbed Kurda's hips, and rolled him over, pinning him onto the ground instead, tugging at the man's shirt and ripping the buttons off. Kurda hummed softly, blonde locks dishevelled all over his face, his stormy eyes cool and infuriating, his slender body sprawled out seductively underneath his lover like a picturesque centrefold. He huffed some hair out of his face, and grinned.

'You're the one who grunts like a hog.'

'You're the one who's always a whining mess by the time we're finished.'

'You wish. Believe me, you're not that good.'

'Fine. I take back my consent. Do it on your own.'

'Shh, I didn't mean it – Sorry. I'm sorry. You _are_ good.'

Kurda chuckled, licking his lover's collarbone, the warm tip of his wet tongue brushing over a pulsing vein.

'I'm all yours. . ,' he whispered hoarsely, his breath hot and moist on Gavner's throat, sending shivers all over the man's spine and warm bursting sensations in his thighs tickled his already primed nerves.

And that, was the end of the last bit of Gavner's conscience.

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'Ah. . . .fuck. . . . oh _gods_. . . .'

'Tsk, tsk, General Gavner Purl, language. . .'

Kurda chuckled, panting, his flushed cheeks concealed by messy streaks of platinum strands stuck to his face with sweat. Gavner rolled out next to him, panting even harder, continuing to swear and sniffle in between desperate coughs and gasps to get his breath back. All he could taste was Kurda in his mouth - thick like cream, rolling on his tongue - liquid salt and musk. He reached for his clothes, stumbling dizzily to get them back on. Kurda leaned over him and pulled him into a lazy kiss – Gavner met it half way, melting into it as exhaustion crept over his body.

'How's your headache?'

'Dare you ask? Gods, I'm gonna faint. . . feels like someone's throwing. . . . brandy bottles at my head!'

Kurda laughed and opened his mouth to say something – but Gavner heard movement behind them, and raised his hand, cupping it across a surprised Kurda's mouth. He threw clothes and a blanket over the naked man's body with his other free hand, shoving him under the altar stand and throwing himself before it to hide Kurda.

Larten yawned, sleepy eyes drifting towards the pew where Arra was still sound asleep, and then the carpet in front of the altar where Kurda had been a second ago.

'Morning, Gavner. Where is Kurda?'

'Good _afternoon_, actually. Kurda's gone to take a piss. Always good to empty yourself after sleeping, you know. Gets the poison out of your bladder. Ehm. . . - ' Gavner babbled quickly and meaninglessly, panic flooding his brain, cold sweat dropping from his forehead.

Larten looked at him inquiringly.

'You look really sick, Gavner. All that sweat – you ought to get some medicine.'

'Yeah. Yeah, sure, I will.'

There was an awkward silence, and then a cute little sneeze – from behind Gavner. Larten frowned – Gavner said a quick prayer to God that this will work – as he sneezed deliberately and continuously, trying to mask Kurda's little sneezes behind him. Larten yawned again, scratching his bolding head, sending Gavner an enquiring look. Gavner giggled and coughed nervously, an overdose of adrenaline pumping through his head and erasing the pain. Larten sighed, worry in his eyes.

'Should I go and see if the nearest shop is open? You really need some cold medicine.'

'Oh! That would be great, I mean YES, _please_, you're my saviour, my _god_! Thanks a load, Larten! You're such a pal!'

' . . . . I think you need some tranquilizers, too, Gavner.'

Larten rolled his eyes lazily, fetching his cape and hurrying out of the door into the darkening twilight. Ten desperate heartbeats later - Gavner collapsed onto the floor, dizzy with adrenaline, daring to breathe again.

'Oh _f_. . . .'

His curse was muffled into a moan as a naked Kurda pounced on him and kissed him.

'You, are insane,'he said softly, brushing his lips across Gavner's forehead, whispering again:

'. . . .I owe you one.'

'Damn right you do! Bloody hell, Kurda. . . . you really are . . . .going to be the death of me!'

Gavner puffed and gasped, pulling himself up, and shaking his head. He sniffled and kissed Kurda's forehead lightly, admiring the man's naked fair skin.

'Get some clothes on. You're going to catch a cold.'

'I think. . . .'

Kurda frowned, reaching towards his clothes, and sniffled.

'Hee. . . hee. . . . . . chu!'

He sneezed a cute little kitten sneeze, and sniffled against Gavner's chest, giggling.

'. . . . .I think I already have.'

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**A.N.** - See, it wasn't _that _bad, was it? -hides- Come on, it wasn't. Besides, when kama finishes making it into a doujinshi, it'll be one hell of a lot better than the actual fic.

Review. . . . please? For Gavner? --sparkles at you--


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